Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
