at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
