It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
