i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
