I will die if light touches me.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
