I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
