ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
