pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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