Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
