so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
