he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
