I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
