Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
