Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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