If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am available for nakedness
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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