I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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