she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My ass is underappreciated
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
