I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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