Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
