Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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