Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
