Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
