i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can