Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.