the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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