she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
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dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
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You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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