lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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