I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
