the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Pooping to opera.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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