After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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