??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize