So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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