2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Randomize
