put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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