i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for