I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.