Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.