the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
