Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
