Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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