My room smells like vodka and shame
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
