Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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