he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
