You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
