I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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