Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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