no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
