I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
