Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
no, he came in my armpit
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
