I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
