Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
