Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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