i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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