now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
