a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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