Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
That's how pantless uber rides happen
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
