Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.