Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
