You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
