It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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