my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
