She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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