Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
