i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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